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zhaipeiyi
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Name: Lily
Gender: Female
Interests: Horseback riding, cruising on a sunny day, having meaningful conversations with friends and strangers alike, and traveling.
Expertise: Acting, Television, Film, PR, Marketing
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
9/17/2002
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| 8/11/03 -- MIA
So in the last month, i've settled into the house, furnished it and basically found my new passion -- thrift store shopping. i got a huge glass coffee table with stone fixtures, a leather sofa bed, petagon dining room table, 4 matching chairs, a dryer rack, CUTEST picnic basket, and display table at Out of the Closet and the Salvation army all for UNDER 300 bucks!!!! amazing....... people made me feel bad for bargaining at salvation army, but i dont see what the problem is! i mean, I'M POOOOR, and I'M IN NEED of things.....so the shop is technically created for people like me right?
so i drop by the stores every other day for new items. that's my new job.....walking around town and purchasing items at bargain prices. of course, this job doesn't pay, and so after some huge purchases and of course discovering that Ross ALSO sells great clothes at discount prices AND namebrand housewares, i started running low on cash. so i drove all over town for 8 hours looking for a waitressing job. of course i ONLY hit the SUPER expensive places and i target japanese restaurants b/c the plates are lighter and sushi wont burn if you spill it on the customer. 10 blisters, and 3 parking tickets later....Matsuhisa hired me (matsuhisa is THE BEST and THE MOST expensive restaurant in town and i'm lucky as hell to have gotten the job with no experience.) but alas, i was never meant to work (as i like to remind all my friends.).....i quit the job after 2 days. i wore boots on the first day, bad idea....and got 3 blisters the size of clams and the next day i went out to get new shoes only to find out when i got home that it didn't fit if i wore socks with them. so i was back to the blistery boots on day two and by the end of the night, i was sick of serving people and putting up with their snooty attitudes. i did see a great many stars, too many to count and now i know i will no longer be star struck, i saw enough to keep me satiated for years to come. they ain't all that. they're normal people, some rude some not. but i did get a bit o' cash from those two days and so i spent it all at ross on a beautiful cutting board, a knife set, torch lights for the backyard and this ever so cute lighted golden arch (that people get married under...sure it was a superfluous purchase, but i KNOW my guests will enjoy standing under it once it's up.)
and now i'm at the library b/c i haven't had internet access in what seems like eons and i feel so out of the loop, plus i had to come and type my appeal for the three parking tickets. i got one in the morning for that damned "street sweeping" thing.....took the ticket off my car and found ANOTHER one on my car a few hours later. then later that day i parked in a no stopping zone 3 minutes BEFORE it was illegal. then 3 minutes after it was illegal the cop was on my ass writing the ticket, and i begged and cried, all to no avail. so i stalked his ass for 2 miles before he waved for me to leave him alone, to which i responded with a frantic wave to tell him to pull over (i sorta felt like a cop pulling a civilian over. hehe ironic) and i explained how i had just gotten two earlier that day and i'm really poor and then i offered him money and told him i'd stop following him if he'd erase it.....but he wouldnt take my bribe, so i let him drive off. i left rather defeated, but luckily the thrift shops were still open, so i went shopping.
on a good note, i'm back to looking for a job, and as much as i love the unemployed life of thrift store shopping, it can get a bit unfulfilling. shocking i know. so on my second day or rather LAST day at matsuhisa, i served the ambassadors to taiwan. and after the night was through i managed to get the director general's card and he said he's help me get a job at the embassy. we'll see how that goes, his wife didnt like me too much, she kept edging him out of the restaurant as we were talking.....i'm also applying for a job at KTSF. so if anyone has any connections there, please let me know, so i can play the name dropping game. it always helps to know someone on the inside. =) so now everyone is caught up and boy did i have some funny ass stories to share but i've forgotten them all, but no fear, funny/embarrassing/tragic events happen to me on a daily basis, so i'm sure to share more stories as the days go by. hopefully i'll be back on more and i can get back into the swing of things. hope everyone's doing well and alive and kicking, i'm back in the saddle again!
7/2/03 -- settling in....slowly but surely...
After much squabbling with my landlord lady, i finally gave in and moved in on july 1. i wanted to move in mid-july but in her broken english she basically said i move in now or she's keeping my $400 holding deposit and selling the place to someone else. how rude!
anywho, i figured, let bygones be bygones, so i offered her some fresh strawberries i had just bought at whole foods. she promptly rejected them and shot me a rather sinister look and replied "you know you can DIE from eating fruit that hasn't been washed, all that pesticide, you could die from it!"..........she thought i was trying to poison her. i swear, talk about paranoid. so i retracted my offer. little does she know, it's from whole foods and they dont put pesticides on them and the strawberries were hella good and hella sweet, so HMPHF to her snooty ass. haha, I WIN I WIN! ok, so there really wasn't a competition going on, but shouting "I WIN" in my head just seemed appropriate.
so laurent (who's also on ryze and thank god for this forum b/c he's a great ol' dandy friend who i've come to rely on a bit TOO much) helped me move yesterday in the cover of the night. he brought candles so we could maneuver our way around the house and throw my junk down. felt like little house on the prairie being void of electricity and gas and all that good stuff we take for granted.
this morning i got up bright and early and called the gas and electric company to ask them to turn it all on. all went well, i passed the credit check and the lady goes "ok, the electric man will come by between 7am-8pm." so i said "oh ok, that's early, but ok, so he'll be here between 7-8 in the morning, i should be awake." her response being "no, 7 A-M and 8 P-M." my response, " WHAT?! i have to sit at home ALL day for him, and do NOTHING?! i mean, i can't leave obviously, if he comes and i'm not here, then that's one more day w/o electricity! can't you give me a ROUGH estimate of when he'll be here? like maybe a 2-3 hour estimate???" her sour response was "no ma'am. they're very busy and they don't carry cellphones so they can't report to you when they'll be arriving at your residence. the best answer i can give you is 7AM-8PM."
how ridiculous is that?! I ASK YOU FELLOW AMERICANS AND LOS ANGELESITES, IS THIS FAIR?! IS IT FAIR THAT THE DEPT. OF WATER AND POWER CAN DEMAND THIS MUCH OF YOUR TIME JUST TO TURN A SWITCH, READ A GAUGE, FLICK A WHATEVER......maybe i'll go do it myself. i can't blow the house up, can i?
6/25/03 -- back on top baby!
well it's been an eon since i've posted an entry and back by popular demand (and prompted by some concerned postings and private messages from fellow ryze members who thought i died), here is my update....
be forewarned though, this will not be humorous, strictly an update...if you want humor, you can always hit matt reilly's page. :)
ok, so two weeks ago, i got up on monday to get ready for work. as i was laying in bed and daydreaming about quitting my job, i began to realize that instead of daydreaming about it, maybe i can make it happen....maybe, just maybe! so i crawled out of bed, ran to the phone, and called my boss. here's how my oh-so eloquent conversation went:
Me: um, hi charles?
boss (smugly): yes?......are you calling b/c you're "sick" again, going to be late to work again huh?
Me: uhh, yes. i'm sick. no, no, i'm not sick, per se....but maybe a little sick in the head. haha.......(ahem).... right. so i'm calling to let you know i wont be into work today......and well, actually, ever. yea, i'm never coming into work now.
boss: i'm sorry, you're not coming in today and when?
Me: and never. i mean, i'm ....quitting. well, not quitting, quitting sounds bad, i'm resigning.....for personal reasons and such.
boss: oh, hm. this comes as a bit of a shock....well...
Me: and there's nothing against you or the company, ya'll have been great, but i think it's time for me to move on. (it's horrible, i felt like i was breaking up with HIM!)....so i guess, we wont be seeing each other again. i wont be going back to the company....ever. (had to emphasize the "ever" again, just in case he didnt catch it the first time.)
well, so much for that two week's notice rule huH? the way i figure, asian companies never follow rules (like giving their employees insurance), so why should i follow this 2-week notice rule. anyways, i wrote my resignation letter (which i've become really good at!) and now i'm unemployed! so what have i been doing these past two weeks? NOTHING. absobloomalutely nothing. and it's great. i've watched swingers, coyote ugly, about a boy, and of course all the seasons of sex and the city which has made me want to start chain smoking and having promiscuous sex. .....and they say tv doesn't influence america's youth, PAH!, it affects me! and i'm supposed to be a grown mature adult...owell, operative words being "supposed to be" i guess.
one of my closest high schoool friends is moving into town in july, soooo i've been apt. hunting for us two. i've been running all over town and i finally JUST closed the deal on this wonderfully beautiful place near beverly hills w/ SOO much character. it needs some fixing up but it will be gorgeous, like a quaint place right out of those english novels. so i'll be spending all my time in barnes and noble reading martha stewart's living books. can't wait!
then i found out there's this cute restaurant literally next door and it's SUPER high class adn expensive, each item on the menu is at least 30-45 bucks, and that's just appetizers! no shitting you. so i moseyed on in, w/ my hair all tossled from the wind and my track suit, not the best of impressions i guess, and asked for a job. she said that summer time is when they lay off adn they dont get as much business and they weren't hiring, adn blah blah blah. and the lady was asian too!!! so i felt so denied! i mean, i thought we're supposed to stick together damnit. so next week, hopefully she'll forget what i look like by then, and i'm gonna show up with a basket of muffins and a yuppie outfit and ask for a job. and i wont leave till she gives me one. so any suggestions on what else i should do to get that job? if it were a man, maybe i could flirt my way to hostess or food runner, but its' a woman!!! you can't flirt with women!! hm, maybe no muffins, maybe i can buy some make up... oh wait, no! that'll make me look like some high end mary kay rep.
so i figured out why there is constant traffic in la. it's b/c the majority of the city is entertainment industry folks and from that majority, half of them are probably aspiring actors, performers, musicians, etc. and hence they dont work the typical 8-5 job, and so there are ALWAYS people on the road during the day (driving to auditions and what not) and at night there's always traffic b/c they're driving to their night jobs (b/c this is the only way they can make it to their daytime auditions). yay, i'm so ecstatic, i've finally solved the mystery of the perpetual traffic in la! ok, so where's my nobel prize? | | |
| 6/12/03 -- I need to quit this job soon...
Today, i yelled at my boss. it was a VERY emotional day and my having had very little sleep the night before did not help.
On a side note, i've decided i can no longer sleep in the haunted president's office, so i've made my car my new resting place. and one of the production crew people saw me, and peeked into my car. scared the crap out of me! he's really creepy and perverted. Once i went on his computer to research something and i had to go to his history folder to see which sites he's been to and the whole folder was full of playboy.com, sex.com, orgasm.com, and other fun pornographic sites. what a perv. what is it with guys and porn?! anyways, i found that rather amusing, so now i can't view him in the same light....every time we make eye contact, i feel dirty. oh so, this other guy down the hall apparently WATCHES porn at work b/c his coworker who works next to his cubicle can hear it. she hates it. HAHA. ok back to my story....
so my boss gives me this thing to edit that normally takes about half an hour. he said i could turn it in the next day before i left work (giving me MORE than enough time), so my stupid ass, trying to be an overachiever, decides to ask him if he wants it today, b/c i can finish it today if he'd prefer. and he's like, "oh ok, sure finish it today then. i want it in 10 minutes." so of course then i'm dumbfounded and unprepared and so i'm like, "what? 10 min? but how?why? you just said there was no rush and this is obviously not time sensitive b/c you said i didn't have to turn it in till tomo night!" and so he's like, "well, if you can edit it today. then we'll air it today, so i want it in 10 minutes. can you not do that? you can't edit this simple piece in 10 minutes?" the bastard WANTED me to say, that i couldn't do it. but i refused, b/c then it would prove to everyone that i should not have been hired. i told him it's not humanly possible to finish it in 10 minutes if the raw footage takes 20 min just to comb through! (turns out teh raw footage was only 3 minutes, but he failed to mention that to me....whole argument could have been avoided) and i knew he was TESTING me b/c the bastard didn't want me hired since day one b/c i was one of the few people that the big boss just hired w/o consulting him, he was offended and pissed. so then i turned around, glared at him and said "LOOK, it is NOT possible to finish this story in 10 minutes and make it look good. SUUUURE, i can edit this story and get it to you in 10 minutes, but it'll look like SHIT. Do you want your station to air shit or quality? cuz shit is what it will be if you only give me 10 minutes and quality is what it will be if i get half an hour.....shit or quality? you choose...what do YOU want? SHIT or QUALITY?!!" so i didnt' yell, but i raised my voice and gave quite an attitude, but i think it was justified b/c he was testing me and there are some people you just have to stand up to so they know not to keep picking on you. so he says "ok, just finish it in 10." and walks out the room...guess he chose "shit". then as i go over the raw footage, i realize it's only 3 minutes long, so 10 minutes was definitely do-able. i finished my editing. and i find my boss and i apologize and explain that it was the time crunch pressure and the fact that i wasn't aware of the 3 min raw footage, b/c usually it's 20 min. and then he's like, you hurt my feelings and made me depressed (yes , he used depressed, i'm sure he didnt' mean that word, but his english isn't exactly very advanced, and he probably didnt want to keep saying "sad".) so then i started crying b/c i felt so bad that i made him "depressed". b/c overall, he's not a horrible guy. he just has a crappy job that pays so little that even though he's in his late 30's , almost 40, he has never owned his own place and he hasn't married b/c he can't afford to buy his girlfriend of many years a ring or pay for a marriage/wedding. so while i'm tearing, he then has the audacity to tell me to check my attitude next time and that for my own sake, i need to practice more patience and not blow up so easily. then i got pissed off, b/c who is HE to say i need to improve my personality, he's not exactly mister perfect personality either!! so i just nodded, smiled a hugely fake smile and walked away. how's that for patience IDIOT?!
who needs a nap? <--- < raises hand >
6/11/03 -- Panic attack
Do you ever wake up and think that maybe you don't really live in the same world as everyone else and you operate on your own time and your own rules? .....almost Matrix-like, but not as zen-like and minus all the gravity-defying martial arts.
I went to sleep late last night....again (I've gone to sleep at 4am every night for the past 6 days, and my skin is starting to retaliate with beautiful plump pimples and the beginning stages of rosecea. Gotta love that red rash prescription commercials. Haha) So my roommate wakes me up and I realize I'm an hour late for work, I rush to the office, no make up and soooo groggy and I make my way up to the president's office. He only comes in a few times a year from taiwan to check up on the station, so I've officially made his office, MY office. No one ever goes in there, b/c they're respectful of other's spaces, but not I. The way I figure is, why waste all that nice space and luxury, no one's there to enjoy it. So I've made it my duty to make good use of his office while he's gone, this way the place doesn't collect dust and look all abandoned. Yes I know, the things I do to help others, really, my altruistic ways have no bounds! Hehe. So I make myself comfortable on the nice plush leather couches and go to sleep. The plan was to nap for as long as I pleased and then wake up and do my make up and prepare for the day in his beautiful marble bathroom, good lighting, nice mirrors, lots of natural light and best of all, toilet seat covers! So I fall asleep quickly and my sub conscious must have realized I was a bit nervous about using the office, or possibly someone actually tried to come into the room during my slumber, b/c I had a dream that my co workers were talking smack about me and I could hear them through the window (which was open in my dream, but closed in reality). Then I dreamt they jumped in through the window and started attacking me, and began fighting me for the room. I beat them all off and they all ran away. Then the second part of my dream was SO freaky, and it felt incredibly real. I dreamt this breeze kept washing over me and then someone kept pulling at my blanket (yes I brought a blanket, hey! I come prepared!) and kept trying to pull it over my face. Then I felt someone tugging at my hair, I SWEAR there was someone tugging at my hair and my face. I heard some fidgeting with the lock (as I was careful to lock the door, don't want any strangers walking in on me while I'm sleeping, b/c sometimes I slumber in the weirdest positions and some may misconstrue it as pornographic.) Then I dreamt I woke up and this ghost kept flying around the room....reappearing and disappearing...trying to get me to leave the room. Then it tried to attack me as well and I was scared shitless. ' I'm SOOO fearful of "the other realm". So I started panicking and couldn't breathe. I sort of knew it couldn't be real and it was all a dream, even though it seemed so damn real. So I kept telling myself to wake up. And I would wake up in reality for 2 seconds and then somehow fall back into that alternate reality with the ghost harassing me. This happened back and forth 3 or 4 times, until I finally was able to wake up permanently and not fall back into that trance. Woke up in a cold sweat and hyperventilating. I quickly got up, got ready behind the screen (thank god I did b/c while I was getting ready, someone with the key unlocked the office, peeked in, saw my stuff, but not me, and then closed the door again. Whew, close call.) Then I rushed out of the haunted office and made my way to my desk. Luckily only a few people were looking for me and I told them I was in the bathroom so I didn't hear them page me on the intercom. Goodness, I don't think I can go into that office again. I'm scared. Now where am I going to nap????
Lily realizes she needs to get a night job and not a day job. Her sleep schedule is more conducive for graveyard shifts.... think I will find a waitressing job and quit this job. 9am is just way too early for me to start my day.
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| 6/4/03 -- All Play and No Work
I just took THREE days, count it, THREE days of sick leave. Technically i can't take those sick days until i've worked at the station for over a year (stupid asian company rules for ya), but i decided to call in sick anyway. the first day i really didn't feel too well b/c i was sunburned from the weekend before and i felt fried like a lobster, and the past two days i just decided lounging around the house was more appealing than dragging my butt to work. so i called in and told them i had the stomach virus and was having diaherrea up the whazoo. they bought it. and normally i'd feel horrible making up such a lie, but i didnt feel so bad this time around b/c they're forcing me to do a commercial that i dont want to do and they refuse to take "no" for an answer, so i had to resort to lying. so since i didnt go into work today, i forgot to move my car and i got a ticket for that damn california rule of "street sweeping" . SOOOOOOOOO retarded! i mean REALLY, the street never looks cleaner after wednesday! it still looks the same! i think it's this city's way of making an extra 22 bucks off their residents. i've NEVER seen that supposed "street cleaning" machine, have you? yea, didn't think so. well apparently officer #504 gave me this ticket, i'm going to find out who he is and slash his tires. i'm so sick of being pushed around!! i'm not paying it. i'm just going to send in the same appeal i wrote for my last ticket a month ago. hopefully they wont recognize the same letter, i'll have to change the font, a few words here and there, maybe the margins (man, i feel like i'm back in high school when i used to answer the study questions and type it out for extra credit and the stupid jocks would ask me to make them a copy but change the font and stuff to make it look original, but the teacher eventually caught on and everyone got in trouble except for me b/c i was her favorite, though after that incident i could never look her in the eyes again b/c i knew i failed her as a person. depressing.....). anyhow, i think i'll do something productive, yes, i'm going to call up all the horse stables and ranches in this area and find out how much it costs to ride their horses for an hour. funny how when i'm at my poorest, i always feel like doing extracurricular activities that i cannot afford. it's the sadomasochist in me. when i have alot of money, i never feel like spending it. but when i know i only have a meager amount left, i feel like draining the account dry. does anyone else have this complex?
i think i'll be quitting my job soon. i feel like God's calling me to waitress at a really nice restaurant so i can dress up like a penguin every night and earn lots of tips and not report it on my taxes. My mom is going to KILL me if she finds out i'm quitting this job....owell, yet another secret i'll have to keep from her to spare her a lifetime of worries.
p.s. the apt. was not as beautiful as they claimed. and the place reeked of flea collars. i thought i was going to choke to death. the place looked like some house out of those old haunted story books and she refused to turn on the A/c or lights, and she told me the life story of each and every roommate that passed through her house. one of whom was deported by the INS and stuck a pencil in her shoulder blade while kicking and fighting the INS all the way to the car. another story about a roommate who still lives in the back and is a multi-millionaire......yea right, um, if she's so rich lady, what the hell is she doing living in your backhouse. i'm so sick of these melodramatic lying bastards of LA. LA people are seriously ALWAYS looking for drama and telling these tall tales just for a shock factor, geez, i swear, everyone in this city needs to get a life.
i think i've decided i can only befriend people who are transplants, i can't stand TRUE LA people, i can only befriend people who are raised in other states and who move to LA for the weather. LA people seem to live in some alternate universe where they are the rulers and everything and everyone else exists only to amuse them and fulfill their every whim and desire. i apologize if i've offended some real LA folks, i'm sure there are some nice ones out there, i just haven't met ANY. everyone is a superficial ball of self-love living in their own version of The Truman Show. One day their backdrops and props will be yanked away and they'll be left with an empty life, an old torn script with grammatical errors and a flimsy director's chair with the back labeled "Loser".
5/29/03 -- Complaints complaints complaints
i got back from San Diego yesterday, there doing a story about the new casino, Pala. i told myself that THIS week would be my good, no junk food, eat healthy, exercise week, b/c i have to wear those god awful dreaded booty shorts that i haven't been able to squeeze into since college (but they're my only pair and i refuse to wear pants this weekend b/c i need to even out my unusually burnt charcoaled arms with my pale pasty legs.) BUT, that damn casino treated us to their buffet and i had no self control. i had to have some of EVERYTHING, homemade potroast, shrimp cocktail, calamari, turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet yams, BBQ brisket, hamburgers, hotdogs, fries, spaghetti, mac and cheese, lasagna, chinese stir fry, sweet adn sour pork, fried chicken, and literally 30 different kinds of desserts. i'm not kidding you, i had all that i listed above, and i was able to pack in the 30 mini desserts. after i was done though, they had to roll me to the bus, and i shocked EVERY media respresentative there, in fact, they were all very fearful for me and my ever exploding shirt. not sure if the men were either impressed or disgusted, but i ate the amount of three ordinary people. so it's NO wonder that today i was watching the footage shot by my cameraman and i looked soooooo HUGE! i know people say the camera adds 10 pounds, but i think this camera added 20! i looked AWFUL, swollen and FAT. and tomorrow i have to go on television to sell cookware...and I DON'T WANT TOOOOOO!!!
ok, that's it.....no more complaining. i need to do something about this instead of whining. but i'm soo GOOOD at whining!!!!! why can't they pay me to whine? god is so unfair, how could he make some people so damn fine and the rest of us so ordinary. well, fine people should thank mediocre folks like myself, otherwise the world wouldn't be able to categorize them as "fine" if people like me didn't set the bar for mediocrity. yes all you fine people out there, you are freakin' welcome. now let's go share a pie.
on a lighter note, (haha, lighter...get it?....yea...ahem, ok, bad joke...) i found a possible new residence in altadena and the lady sounds nice enough. the place is $475 for a Partially Furnished Room (bed, couch, chairs),private bathroom, hardwood floors,sliding closet doors,2 windows,high ceiling, Lap Pool, jacuzzi, Hiking Trails in the area, private garage, utilities (Water, Gas & Electricity) included, Air Condition Unit, Patio and Yard, Subzero Refigerator, Fireplace, and appliances will be provided as well. how nice is that?! and apparently i'm the ONLY normal person who has responded, the other four people who have checked out the place were all drug addicts, so i think i have a good chance, since i've never even smoked a cigarette before. she did mention that she wanted to rent out the room in her house b/c it gets lonely living by herself and 3 dogs (she's 40)....but i sure hope she's not looking to be friends. i just want the room. i don't want to be some free of charge counselor and confidante or nothing, i have my own problems to worry about! i'll let ya'll know how the house tour goes.... i'm considering this other place that is probably in the ghetto of alhambra which is only $380 for a 1bed/1bath. but that dude hasn't responded with this availability to me yet.
sigh..........does anyone know of a quick way to look skinnier, like overnight? w/o starving oneself, going on the atkins, eating less, or exercising? anyone???
signing out,
the fat girl selling cookware | | |
| 4/10/03--Thought Provoking Numbers
1, 10, 6, 4, 3, 20, 58, 22, 1.......What do these numbers mean, you ask? Break it down for us Lily...
1 - number of tickets I got in the 1 full week I’ve been here (it was for parking on the wrong side of the street for something called “street sweeping”...what the? We don’t do that in texas!!! How was I supposed to know? There are no signs! It wasn’t written on the “Welcome to California” sign when i drove in! When I bought my parking permit, no one told me about that retarded rule! This is absurd... I’m not paying it and I’m contesting it tomorrow at the DMV. I know they can be erased b/c I met a girl named anne at the ryze mixer last night who said she met a guy who worked at the police dept who can erase parking tickets from people’s records, unfortunately, he doesn’t work for the city of bloody dumb SARS infested Alhambra. Maybe if my roommate and I dress up really sexy and bat our eyelashes, the mister policeman may accidentally press delete for our tickets! We’ll see...)
10 - number of minutes I was on the road tonight
6 - number of cars I tailgated in those minutes (one was justified b/c he was going 25 in a 30-completely uncalled for, the others were going the speed limit, but really, WHO actually goes the speed limit ever??? So technically, according to my rules of driving, they were going under as well.)
4 - number of trashcans I narrowly missed on these stupidly thinly designed streets. I panicked thinking they were people.
3 - number of people I ALMOST hit on the way home (one chick in a white blouse who I really should have seen but was standing sort of near a curve in the road so could easily have been hidden to me, one Hispanic dude on a bike crossing the street when he shouldn’t have b/c it was my right of way to turn left, so he wasn’t following the walk way signs, entirely not my fault if I were to have hit him, one old man jumped out in front of my car...well, I guess “jumped” is an exaggeration, but he was pretty damn near the curb and might have lost his step a bit and it looked like he was jumping...i don’t know, maybe that excuse wouldn't fly in court.
20 - number of curves in the road on the way home (of those, 15 where I almost killed myself, 1 where I almost killed someone else, 4 where I almost obliterated people’s trashcans...Texans only know how to drive straight, cali has too many curves in the roads, why? Just make everything straight!!!! Maybe when building the streets, the construction workers were drunk on seedless green grape wine that some rich person purchased and decided it wasn’t expensive enough and tossed out.)
58 - number of cuss words that popped in my head during my nightly drive
22 - number of cuss words that actually came out of my mouth (not bad, not bad, improvement from last week...)
1 - number of sorry songs I heard on the radio (I listen to 93.9, the ONLY country music station I’ve found so far, there have to be more!!!!! Please tell me if you know of any. The one bad song, if you’re curious, was a Shania Twain song. I don’t like her voice, I don’t like her image, and I don’t like her songs. Basically, I’m with Matt, when I say, “she sucks.”
Why does bad luck with cars follow me everywhere i go??? I got lost again today...i’m told there’s something called the Thomas guide that I need. But if it’s as vital and important as everyone says it is, then I’m sure it’s pretty expensive. And I need to save my money for my sour green grapes. I’m thinking the map will be around 25 bucks...that’s a good 8 pounds of seedless green grapes i'd have to forgo--i’m not sure if I could give up that luxury for a stupid ol’ map. Wonder if I can buy it, copy it at kinko’s and return it...any suggestions?
4/9/03--DEATH to AOL!
I AM GOING TO KILL SOMEONE! freakin' aol!!!! i just wrote an insanely entertaining entry and aol booted me off and deleted all my writing!!! bastards......now ya'll will never know what happened to me and your day is that much unfulfilled. it's ok, maybe someone someplace on the other side of the world somehow received that entry and is now laughing his arse off.....lucky bastard =). in the meantime, ya'll will just have to settle for a mundane entry.
so yesterday i went grocery shopping for the first time and my GOD, i don't recall groceries being THIS expensive! i spent 60 bucks on just some junk food and green grapes at Ralph's. how you ask? because my stupid ass doesn't look at prices when i purchase things, i bought a bag of grapes for 6 dollars. SIX FREAKING DOLLARS?! that's highway robbery! i could drive to a nearby vineyard, pick the grapes off the vines myself, wash and bag it all for 2 BUCKS! my sister tried to console me by telling me to eat the stems too.....why dont i just eat the cellophane bag it comes in while i'm at it. the grapes aren't even good, they're sour and mushy, not sweet, firm and crunchy, the way i like them! i'd feel better if they at least tasted good, but they suck. my landlord told me i bought the "top of the line" grapes (i didn't even know they differentiated the grapes, in texas, grapes are grapes.)
on a good note, i went to a LA Ryze mixer last night and met some nice people. got lost for only half an hour this time (no surprise, i need that gps system in my car, will someone buy me one please?!), spent another half hour circling the bar trying to find a place to park since the valet took pretty much every curbside parking for the rich folks (who CAN afford mushy, sour, expensive grapes), finally hiked to bar in my very uncomfortable shoes, complained about my grapes purchase to several people and felt a bit better. hopefully i got some good connections so i'll have a job soon and be able to purchase more "top of the line" sour grapes at a price that'll cost me an arm and a foot.
for now, i'll just have to settle for raisins by the bulk, since i can't afford the fruit before it's sun dried.
4/2/03--CALI!
drove 24 hours STRAIGHT with my college buddy and arrived in pasadena (alhambra) saturday morning. we unpacked everything, hung up my stuff, shopped at target, assembled shelves, walked around old pasadena, went back to target, visited santa monica, dropped her off at LAX, stopped at target again. nothing too exciting, except that i realized i can NEVER be a carpenter and i'd die if there was no target within driving distance.
they SAY those self assembled shelves from target and ikea are simple, but they LIE. simple my ghetto booty!.....i spent 3 hours trying to put together a dumb BOX with a door (which i would use as my small bed side dresser to hold my alarm clock and small knick knacks). well, after the assembly, this thing looked NOTHING like the picture on the box and there was this HUGE GAP between the frame of the box and the door, the width of a man's finger. SUUUURE, one would argue i probably assembled it wrong, but there is just no way--- i put that box together according to the SIMPLE picture directions and i even tried other combinations, dumb false advertisement. so i returned it on my 3rd trip to target, insisting to the customer service reps that i didn't get the right pieces. they looked skeptical, but i dont care, got my 14.95 back (hey! i gotta be frugal now that i'm unemployed!)... went to ikea to find a nice storage box that was suppposed to be easy to assemble as well. after getting 4 splinters, i sat on the ground with all the pieces (still separated) sprawled on the ground around me, and i begged my roommate to put it together for me as i watched on snacking away on icecream sandwiches (i discovered this brand called "Fat Boy".....which is exactly what it makes you feel like after consuming a few of those, i felt JUST like a fat boy...see??? no false advertising there! now why can't those shelves be just as honest in its advertising???)
the past few days i've been wandering the neighborhoods and this is what i do to learn the streets around me. i walk all over the place and make right and left turns (w/o looking at the street signs) and i get myself lost (which is really easy) and try to find my way back w/o asking for directions. it's a real fun way to learn the streets. time consuming, but effective. (most people use maps, but i like to use my animal instincts.) course, it sucks when it gets dark, b/c then you panic, which is what happened last night. i got VERY lost, and wandered into a dangerous neighborhood. how do i know it was dangerous? because all the asians disappeared from the streets, scary looking kids in gangster clothes appeared more frequently, little or should i say large hispanic men riding tiny bicycles circled around me, and i didn't see one nice car drive by for half an hour. so i put on the meanest, toughest face i could, clutched my purse tightly in case i needed to beat anyone off, and powerwalked as fast as i could w/o looking intimidated and scared. i looked everyone in the eyes (b/c i read in some article that men are less likely to rape a woman if you look them in the eyes), and smiled and nodded a hello to each person i passed or made some passive comment like "hi", "nice night huh?" -- not waiting for a response of course.
just when i'm on the verge of giving up and calling my roommate to come pick me up, i saw a nice looking man on a normal bike (looked like a student) ride by and he gave me directions out of the neighborhood. somehow i had wandered 3 miles away from home. owell, it was an adventure nevertheless and i'm lucky to be alive....which makes one think, life is short, so just eat as many fat boy icecream sandwiches as possible, you never know when you may get capped by some kid on a nice walk around town.
fat boyyy, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm......... i need to find another indulgence or i really will start looking like a fat boy. then i'll have to move to SF where all the gay men are, so i can find myself a boyfriend.
3/21/03--Restless sleep and last day of work!
last night, i had the worst sleep. i was laying there dozing off to the tv when my hair fell on my shoulder, so i brushed it off. then the stupid hairs fell on my shoulder again, so i brushed it off. happened for a third time, so i got frustrated and pulled it up into a pony tail........and i feel the "hair" on my shoulder AGAIN! i lay there in a bit of a confused state when what do i spy in the corner of my little eye but a COCKROACH! god how i HATE those insignificant-no-reason-to-be-alive-gives-nothing-back-to-society-or-the-environment-bottom-feeding insects! they rank way up there with mosquitoes. do we REALLY need them in our ecosystem? that is one question i will ask God when i get up to heaven, "why Lord, WHY did you create such annoying pests like cockroaches, mosquitoes and richard simmons to coexist with us, WHY?!!!" anyways, back to my fear, i spring up like some agile gymnast and scream! well, i'm so paralyzed by fear that all my screams are silent. i'm screaming silent screams (truly frustrating).......finally i'm able to eek out one audible scream and i yell for my mom to bring the Raid. yea i WISH cockroaches really ran away in fear when they hear the word "RAID" like in those cartoon commercials--"RAIIIID?!!!", but i guess that's tv and they are indeed cartoons, i'm sure the advertisers couldn't find live cockroaches or train any to scamper away at hearing the word. come to think of it, can they even hear for that matter? anyways, my mom takes her dandy ol' time delivering the bottle and lucky for me my eyes are GLUED on that sucker, so right when that bottle hits my hand, i spray that roach with all the power my index finger can muster up! and i literally chase after it from room to room with the raid can, constantly spraying it until it finally slows down and stops running and is now completely white from all the raid i've sprayed. to this day, i still don't know if all my victim cockroaches stop from the potentcy of the raid or if they just stop moving from the mere weight of all the liquid i spray on them. owell i guess it doesn't really matter, the end result is Lily 2938475, cockroaches 0! Ha! of course, now no one can even ENTER that side of the house w/o getting high off the fumes, usually, it takes 2 days to air out which ever room i spray that i find the cockroach in. this time was especially bad b/c i chased it to three different rooms, so now the painful odor is 3 times as strong. no one will probably go to that side of the house for at least a week.......but at least that cockroach is DEAD. now i just need to find someone brave to come pick it up and flush it down the toilet.
TODAY was my official LAST day of work!!!!!!!!!! =) so i woke up this morning (groggy as usual)....played with the idea of calling in sick, but then i figured ONE more day wouldn't kill me.... (i was wrong). so i get ready and put on my going into town outfit, put on more make up than usual, since heck, one must look good as he/she departs a building for good, you want to leave a lasting impression--girls, you know what i'm talking about. since it took me 30 minutes longer to get ready than usual (i had to get every eyelash in exactly the right place when usually i just let it clump up and tangle like the dreaded "spider eyes" the makeup commercials try to get us to avoid looking like), i HAD to drive super fast to work. finally i hit downtown in record time and there are NO cars near me for some odd reason, and ahead of me is a SEA of GREEN lights beckoning at me. and i'm thinking, man this day is going GREAT! so i speed down the street (going a mere 48 in a 30....mind you, i've done a 75 in a 30 before, so this is child's play) and as i'm clearing the third light, a freaking fat ugly donut sloppin' cop jumps out into the road and signals me to pull over!! i really didn't FEEL like i was going that fast so initially i thought he was pulling me over to admonish me for putting lipstick on while driving. but i wasn't so lucky. then the cop goes through the whole rhetorical question game "do you know why i'm pulling you over?" , "do you know how fast you were going?", "what's the rush?", "why is my schlong only half an inch long?"--oh wait, that's what i was thinking that he was thinking and desperately wanted to ask me but couldn't get the balls to do it. and my answers were of course
1: "no officer (looking innocent and half tearful), was it for listening to my christian radio too loudly" (oh which by the way, my radio was actually on the christian station at that moment)
2: "i was going fast?! oh, hm.....didn't really notice, but i'm sure it wasn't as fast as you said officer, are you SURE that radar gun is in working order, no glitches maybe, b/c you know my father used to work for NASA and the police station and he said that the equipment" -- (then i get cut off abruptly and rudely by his raised eyebrow and obvious sense of annoyance -- so i shut up)
3: "well i was "rushing" b/c this is my last day of work and i really have to train my replacement and if i'm late, my bosses will kill me and i know you already called in the report (as he reminded me 5 bajillion times) but could you possibly UNcall it? tell them you made a mistake? or that the gun was having problems? oh oh, or maybe you pulled over the wrong car and the real perp got away b/c my car was blocking you from pursuing him?" -- he didn't like any of my otherwise fool-proof suggestions.
4: "i guess it's only half an inch b/c you pulled over ONE too many women in your lifetime and that LAST woman went a little CRAZY on your ass and pulled a lorena bobbit and sliced that sucker off before you could finish writing that damn ticket!!..........maybe THAT's what happened to the other half inch."
oh if only i could have said that to him. but that could easily be misinterpreted as harrassment and may have resulted in a second ticket......anyways, after whining and pretending to cry and begging, and even attempting to bribe him, he still handed me that damn ticket. and it's a freaking electronic print out, i LIKE the old fashioned carbon copy ones (trust me, i could wallpaper my room with them), these look like stupid receipts you'd get from circuit city! what if i accidentally mistake it for a circuit city receipt and throw it out?! then what?! damn the advancement of technology. damn the radar gun, and damn that electronic ticket hand held printer. then as i drive off in a huff, i don't realize the driveway is very steep and i scratch up the front end of the bottom of my car.......but oh well, that was inevitable, i always scratch up the bottom (which is why i should probably be driving an SUV and not a sportscar).
i get to work late (so much for leaving a good impression) and tell everyone the story of bastard cop, only to get NO sympathy and every male thinks that i should have my license revoked and every female is mad at me b/c i've only validated every male's theory that women should not be driving. (i guess my running over 3 high school girls incident was still fresh in their minds.)
now i need to do two things: either find a cop friend and try to get that ticket erased off my records, or find out if i'm still eligible for defensive driving (which i'm probably not b/c i think i already got one ticket and one accident less than a year ago and i'm sure i used defensive driving to knock one of those off the record).......and what is SO shitty about all this is that my insurance company said that one more ticket or accident on our family's record means that we'll ALL get kicked off (of course, they should just kick me off b/c i average two tickets, two accidents a year, so i'm the real liability in the family.) my mom has a flawless record, my sister runs into animals (namely deers) and gets speeding tickets once a year, my dad runs into a stationary object (usually trees) once a year and gets a speeding ticket once every 10 years. so you see? i'm the true liability. i'd hate to bring my family down with me. i digress.........
so back to work, i'm training my replacement and then noon rolls around and we all take a 2 hour lunch break and have a send off party for me at a mexican joint. yum yum, and the company pays for it! so of course, i order more than i can consume, a daquiri, two appetizers (one to share with everyone else of course but i don't actually share much of it), full entree with the works, and a dessert. and yes, i ate it all, and i had mad GAS allllllllll day...one bean too many. then as 5:00pm looms near, my co workers come to say good-bye. and i HATE good-byes, so we're all talking and chatting and laughing and sorta sad about this whole departure thing when i just suddenly to my OWN amazement blurt out "well, this isn't REALLY good-bye, i'll be coming back next week....you know, to visit, make sure i didn't forget anything, help the new girl acclimate and adjust and answer any questions she might have." and my bosses are like "what the? you're coming back?!" -- i almost want to say that he didn't WANT me to, but i'm not totally certain. it sure sounded like it. anyways, so now that i've blurted this binding comment, i have to go back to work again sometime next week-- just to visit. stupid. stupid. stupid.
3/20/03--An Epiphany
You know what the great thing about hitting rock bottom is? it's that there is nowhere to go but up. Yesterday, i made it to the deepest recesses of depression, self-loathing, and despair. I have been struggling with a problem for the past few months, and no matter what i did, i just could not escape it and i kept falling prey to this problem. Then yesterday afternoon, while driving home, something absolutely horrid happened at an intersection that i drive through at least 20 times in a week, 100 times a month, almost 4000 times a year and over 50,000 times in my lifetime since living here. i have the signals memorized and synchronized so that i don't have to tap on the brakes b/c i know exactly when my light will turn green. The sun was at an angle where it shone so brightly that i literally could not see a single thing except bright white light. i sped up to cross my green when all of a sudden i hit something. i still don't even know what i had hit at this moment b/c i saw NOTHING. i slam on my brakes, run out of the car thinking it's just some box in the road, and find not one, not two, but THREE high school girls laying on the ground. i hit THREE girls. I panic and start shaking uncontrollably b/c i think "My GOD! i just killed three people!".......then, slowly all three crawl up and two run around the intersection looking for their shoes which had flown across the street at the impact. then they start giggling, like stupid school girls, smacking their gum, laughing and in total shock and awe that they survived and started saying how they could brag to people at school that they got hit by a car and lived. then they told me they felt perfectly fine and that it was their fault b/c they shouldn't have been crossing then anyway (which was true), and everything was ok. i get back in my car, flooded with relief but still shaking from the thought of how it could have been THREE deaths stained on my hands, when my light turns green again and i'm about to accelerate (foot on gas pedal and all) and one of the girls runs out in front of my car AGAIN to pick up change off the ground that had fallen out of her pocket at the first impact. i wasn't sure if i was shocked from almost running into her again, or if i was shocked by her DAMN stupidity and failure to learn from her previous near death experience only 30 seconds ago! i'm ashamed to say it, but MAYBE some people really do need to get run over!!! ok, so i don't REALLY mean that, but god i was angry. then i told them to be careful and drove off. Anyways, the Lord was there in that intersection, and he was leading me to the epiphany i would encounter later that night through a string of circumstances.
Later that night, the problem i've been struggling with for the past few months snuck up on me again and i lost the battle. anyways, last night i just felt like complete shit afterwards and at 10pm, i realized that i dont want to feel this shitty ever again.
i started crying, and i couldn't stop. then i fell down on my knees and cried out to God. i begged him to free me from these chains that shackle me down. i lifted my burdens up to Him and asked Him to drive away the evil that was in me, and to replace it with the Holy Spirit and His goodness. I prayed earnestly and sincerely for the first time in a very, very long time. The last time i prayed with such fervor and passion was in Taiwan a year and a half ago when i had hit rock bottom also and couldn't go on living.
He showed me that i had hit bottom b/c for the past several months, i've been valuing all that does not glorify Him and His kingdom. i've put myself at the center instead of lifting everything up to Him and allowing Him to sit at the center, on the throne of my life. He showed me that when i try to control things, instead of letting Him lead the way and following Him like a good and faithful servant and developing a pure and unconditional love and relationship with him, things will inevitably go awry....and it did. I prayed and cried, cried and prayed, and then opened up His Word, something i should have done a long time ago. And a piece of paper fell out that i had put in there in December during a sermon/teaching on John 14. I glanced to the next page and saw John 15. I had been trying to remember this verse for the life of me since several months ago, but could not find it.....but now here it was, staring me in the face, God was speaking to me and reminding me of the first lesson He ever taught me when i first became Christian. This is what it reads:
John 15 The Vine and the Branches
1 I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given you. 8 This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12 My comand is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit -- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17 This is my command: Love each other.
Lord, I have returned from the desert of despair. My soul is hungry and parched and in need of your Word. May your flesh and blood sustain me for eternity. Amen.
3/19/03--OHH BABY!
My boss brought in his 8-week old daughter today and she is ADORABLE! she keeps sticking her tongue out and wagging it around. soooooooooo cute.....i want one. now all i need to do is find a mate......*frown*
My last day of work is this Friday and i took the liberty of making a training manual for the next person who will be taking over my job. I do believe that was very thoughtful of me *pat on the back*. someone once said in reference to humbleness or lack thereof, if God intended us to pat ourselves on the back, he would have given us rotatable arms. very true.
i want a baby. who else wants one? raise your hand! thumbs up seven up! <-- love that game.
3/14/03--TGIF!
For all those who care, my cramps have subsided a great deal...happy, nice lily is back! did ja miss me? probably not. =) anyways, i ran out of pads this morning and i refuse to wear my mother's pillow pads, i don't know why she doesn't switch to the thin ones by Always! i wore one of hers a few years back and it was literally like taking a pillow and sticking it between your legs all day, i was walking like a cowboy who had ridden one too many bulls, and i SWORE people could see the extra bulge from my pants, haha, they probably thought i was a man in disguise.
so no thin pads, definitely not going to wear the pillow pads, that just leaves the tampons. THANK GOD at least i had some playtex silk glides left, b/c i cannot STAND those cardboard applicators, it's like sticking a very very very dry piece of ....well cardboard, right up your you know. but i hate tampons, i always feel like i'm violating myself. know what i mean?
here are some cute quips i stole off my friend's website, thanks elise! =)
Our President is so intelligent, as exemplified by the following quote:
"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe—I believe what I believe is right." -- George Bush, July 22, 2001
People need to stop doggin' on the Dixie Chicks, they're entitled to say what they believe!!
"Did you know that it costs $40,000 a year to house each prisoner? I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run 12 hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator." -- Andy Rooney
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -- Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry
"Nabisco announced recently that it's coming out with new bite-sized Oreos that are easier to eat. How lazy are we getting in this country when people are too exhausted to eat [a regular-sized] Oreo at this point? Who eats an Oreo and goes, "Let me wrap the rest of this up -- I wish they were smaller." -- Jay Leno
3/13/03--Being a woman SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!...
craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaampppppps. so i was a being a total biatch to everyone around me today and had NO idea why, b/c usually i'm just a complete angel....or at least i act it at work. just got back from the bathroom and realized why.....i'm bleeding.....from the bottom. i HATE HATE HATE periods. ohhhhhhhh, pain, BLOOD , bitching.......i just want to curl up in a ball wrapped in some electric blankets and have someone feed me soup. stupid men, why can't ya'll have cramps! so freakin' unfair, ya'll never have to suffer, NEVER i say!!! one day, someone needs to figure out how to give MEN periods and cramps and get them to bear children, then the world will be fair. in the meantime, i'm just going to evil eye every male who walks past my desk....every peni-swingin' neanderthal! .........maybe i can take a nap in those nice couches in the hyatt hotel's bathrooms across the street....oh woe is me.....i'm out.
In light of the many perversions and jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking. Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding the attacks on Sept. 11). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said:
"I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.
And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school ... The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. The school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued (there's a big difference between disciplining, touching, beating, smacking, humiliating,kicking, etc.). And we said OK.
Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won't even have to tell their parents. And we said OK.
Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they want so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents they got them at school. And we said OK.
Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. Agreeing with them, we said it doesn't matter to me what anyone, including the President, does in private as long as I have a job and the economy is good.
Then someone said let's print magazines with pictures of nude women and call it wholesome, down-to-earth appreciation for the beauty of the female body. And we said OK.
And then someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then further again by making them available on the Internet. And we said OK, they're entitled to free speech.
Then the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence, and illicit sex. Let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes. And we said t's just entertainment, it has no adverse effect, nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass this on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in!
3/11/03-- Another Day Wasted...
So this morning, I called in "sick" and told my bosses I'd try coming in by 10am. I just really didn't feel like going into work this morning. i know, it's VERY irresponsible of me, but i try to keep my calling in sick or calling in late to a minimum of once a week. that's not too bad right? (i bet they think i'm preganant and have morning sickness alot....hm...maybe that can be my excuse!! you think they'll buy it??)
I was actually IN the parking lot of work, could have just walked through the doors and be at my desk, instead, i paged them, told them i felt nauseous this morning and would be late. then i reclined my chair and went back to sleep for 2 hours and had 5 dreams! amazing. all of them had to do with norah jones (b/c it was playing on my cd player) and my job. one of the dreams, my boss was serenading me with "seven years", i don't know why since he hates me and i hate him. but in the dream we were happy, until i realized he wasn't serenading me at all, but was actually on the phone serenading his wife. owell, i wasn't hurt, i dont like him anyway. then another dream was my boss paging me that he needed me in the office pronto and that i was in trouble b/c he knew i was sleeping in the car and my mom and norah jones were waiting in the office for me. my mom--not cool. norah--VERY cool. but i woke up to find it wasn't true, a bittersweet feeling.
I'm going to paste the lyrics to norah's song "seven years", b/c i think it really describes me and i secretly think she wrote it for me.
SEVEN YEARS
Spinning, laughing, dancing
To her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone
Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
That comes along
Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin to the ground
Without a sound
Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
Thats all her own
Spinning, laughing, dancing
To her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone.
3/07/03--2 Things I ABHOR...
I don't use "hate" b/c that word really bothers me. i don't think one should ever use the word hate to describe their feeling for something unless they do in fact.....well, "hate" that thing/person/event with every pore in their body. what do i abhor? cockroaches and papercuts...both are small but they hurt like HELL!
cockroaches hurt b/c when someone steps on them and they *CRUNCH*, the sound actually sends waves through the air that shock my internal organs like pangs of electrical shocks (reminds me of when i used to stick my fingers in the electrical outlets at home with forks and paperclips)...anyways, i get small convulsions in the head when i hear them die. Once a cockroach crawled on me while i was sleeping (and i despise being disturbed while i slumber), so being not totally conscious, i grabbed the grotesque sorry excuse for existence off my chest and chunked it against my dresser. i'm very brave when i'm not coherent. then i heard it scamper off, and i woke up in cold sweat b/c i realized what i had done. i think i lost 5 years off my life that night!...
papercuts, well everyone knows they FREAKING hurt?! i mean, there is nothing in the world that can prevent me from showering, washing my hands, getting 10 feet of water (yes i almost dehydrated once), or breathe for that matter.....papercuts can literally prevent one to continue living a normal life. I wanted to call in sick today and say i was injured (b/c i AM!) but i had to be here to pick up two cakes for our dept. this afternoon.
how can something so small hurt so much?!!! i just don't get it? it frustrates me. i mean i've been sliced with a knife before (or was it in a dream)........owell anyways, i'm getting off work early now to go to VEGAS!!!!!!! lator gators, no ryze addicts on this page, wish me luck on the penny slots and sweet talkin' my way to see one of the venetian suites (i plan on befriending the maids and cleaning the luxury suites with them.)
ON FOR A LIMITED TIME...MY TESTIMONY
September 9, 2001 was when I accepted Christ into my heart. I was later baptized on Easter Sunday of 2002. Here is the testimony I sent to my friends 9/10/02 (ironically the day before/of--if you count the time zone--September 11th's attack).
Hi everyone!
So there were no flashes of lightening, no choirs of angels singing, and definitely no shining man appearing before me.....but there were tears of joy and tears of relief from an 8 year ongoing burden that was swiftly lifted off my shoulders by a powerful presence.
You're probably wondering how this all suddenly happened to me. To tell you the truth, it was very gradual. It just takes some people longer to learn and realize what is right in front of their faces, for me...it took 8 years. It started in high school and spanned throughout college. And YOU, my friends =), helped me a great deal... whispering words of encouragement, words of wisdom and showing me the path as best you could.
I know I gave many of ya'll grief and I tried my darnest to prove you wrong or to stump you on religious issues.......but looking back now, I think it was just a overpronounced sense of jealousy. It's like, when you were a kid and another kid had this great toy, of course you would be envious and want the toy too. But you knew that you couldn't have everything cause your parents weren't about to spoil you with anything your lil' heart desired. So to make yourself feel better, you would think, "whatever, that toy's not all that, I bet it can't jump, twirl, fly and flip upside down like some other toys." and maybe if you were a real evil kid, you would go and tell that lucky kid that his/her toy ain't all that. So that's the best example I can give to ya'll to explain why I acted the way I did in the past. I was evil, rather I was jealous that you all could feel this wonderful love for something you couldn't see with your eyes or touch with your hands. I was jealous that you all could have faith, love, and hope in this spirit that I couldn't see or feel. So the jealousy I felt towards ya'll induced me to try to make you lose this faith, this love, and this hope, by belittling its true importance. This way I wouldn't have to keep wishing for this toy, since no one would have the toy anymore either.
Maybe because of this selfishness, it caused me to never really be able to focus on what was important: to learn more and to open my heart up to Christianity. In the past, I debated that maybe you all were just crazy, and me and the non-believers were totally sane... but how could half the world be insane in the same way......unless there was something else there. So I went in search of it.
This summer, being away from my Christian friends, I missed having ya'll talk to me about it and I missed going to church with ya'll. I ran into a friend from the past and he took me to this incredible church called Mosaic in Los Angeles. And the name embodies everything the church is, plus more! The fellowship consisted of people from all walks of life, some were convicted drug dealers, some drug addicts, some child abusers, some who were abused as children, basically I managed to fit in and love a church full of BAD people....people that exist in our society that we choose to ignore...
But it was these "bad" people who helped me realize that my life is peaches and creme. These individuals went through some awful times and managed to find Jesus, gave up their habits, and are now prospering and living totally abundant lives. They were walking testimonies of how powerful God is, and how He can work in ANYONE, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
Right around this time while attending Mosaic, I was reading a book called "Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel. It made a believer out of me. The Bible, which I had always thought was a book of stories and myths, became events of reality and stories that taught lessons on living. As I finished the book, there was no doubt in my mind that the Bible was authentic and that Jesus died for our sins and was later resurrected.
As I was nearing a point of almost accepting Christ, I had to leave LA for Taiwan. When I got here, the first thing I did was find a gym (hehe) and that first Sunday, I walked around and visited three churches to get the feel for them. One of the churches had an evening service, but I was unable to attend it that Sunday. I actually didn't like any of the ones I visited that weekend. So I was pretty sad, because I thought, surely I'll fall farther and maybe reach a point where I won't care whether or not I become Christian.
And let me tell you, it is very easy to fall in Taiwan. It's not very religious and everyone here smokes, drinks, and has one night stands like it's nothing. I normally don't judge, because many of my friends drink and smoke, but I think it's at the rate that they do these three activities that really bothers me. I could safely say that some people have more smoke going down their lungs in a day than the normal air they breathe. They pour more alcohol in their system than they do any other soup, beverage, and water combined. And they have more one night stands than the times we visit star snow ice in a regular week.
Anyways, so the next Sunday I tried the evening service at one of the three churches.... and I loved it! JACKPOT! The singspiration was awesome, the praise band was so talented, and I could FEEL the spirit within the room when I walked in. They are a very spiritual group of people, and the church reminded me of Mosaic. I've been going there every Sunday, and this past Sunday was the defining day of my spiritual walk.
I got there late (Asian time) and caught the last few songs. Figured it was going to be a typical service, the usual sermon, learn something, take it home, try to apply it, etc. The topic that day was procrastination. Now I KNOW we can all relate. The pastor talked about procrastination in our lives (career, personal, family) and then he mentioned in our spiritual life.
He said "If you haven't accepted Christ into your heart today, then you are procrastinating. Don't wait for the perfect conditions to arise, because it will never happen."
Maybe that doesn't mean much to ya'll, but God was speaking through the pastor to me! He knew that this whole time, I was ready and willing, but something was holding me back. That something was my melodramatic, fantasy, story-telling self.
I wanted to accept Christ when I was back in LA, on a bright sunny day, sitting in the front row of Mosaic, standing next to all my friends, and singing my favorite praise song. All so that I could tell a great story when anyone asked "How did you suddenly become Christian?" I wanted all these elements to be perfect, all the planets aligned for this magical day. I wanted all MY conditions fulfilled before I could accept.
Looking back now, my rationale seems soo incredibly ridiculous. Great story to tell or save my soul? hm......hard decision. =P
So as the pastor was speaking, and I was tuning him out for the rest of the sermon, since I was struggling inside about what I wanted, it suddenly hit me how immature I was acting...having all these retarded expectations and demands.
And this is what really happened, no glamour and glitz.
I said, "ok, lily, stop being so stubborn, just do it. why are you so scared? there is nothing to be scared of, you're practically there. what you should be fearing are devils and the evil spirits in this country plaguing everyone. But if you join forces with God, you won't have to be afraid of them, or Him anymore. You don't have to be afraid of what you don't know, because He will show you the way. Just follow your heart, and everything else will fall into place. Why do you need to have all those perfect conditions to occur before you accept? This is a union between you AND God, it has NOTHING to do with what is happening around you at the moment. If you accept Him now, your joy will far surpass anything you could ever imagine with those perfect and contrived conditions. This act is just between you and Him and it's not for show, it's for yourself. Follow your heart, you know what you want."
At that moment... I accepted. And it was true, I dont remember what was happening around me except that I was so joyous and I kept crying. A song was playing while I was thinking and accepting.....but it wasn't my favorite song, and to tell you the truth, I dont even remember the song. I just remember some lines in the song struck me while i was thinking. It said "give Him your heart, give Him your soul". But i guess that's pretty much the meat of all Christian songs, so I doubt I'll ever know which song it was. But I was so consumed and overwhelmed with the love for my God, that another earthquake could have hit this place and I wouldn't even have realized it....much less having all my superficial conditions fulfilled.
I had been waiting for this day for who knows how long, and to finally go through with it, my goodness....it's like the feeling of climbing a mountain, conquering college, surviving a near death experience, all that TIMES A BILLION! It was such a rush, and I was bursting from head to toe with love and admiration. I know ya'll know what feeling I'm talking about, and it's so hard to put the feeling into words, except that for me... it was a SWEET RELEASE.
So thank you all for bearing with my long winded story, hope it was at least slightly entertaining. THANK YOU for all your encouraging words and espeically your powerful prayers. Thanks for keeping the faith that I would someday muddle through and see the light. Thank you for never losing hope, praying and knowing that God would speak to me eventually in His own time....and He did!
After having opened up my heart to Him, I've already seen so many changes in my life and how I view things and how I treat people.
Sure there were no flashes of lightening, no choirs of angels singing, and definitely no shining man appearing before me.....but there were tears of joy and tears of relief. And that is more than any action packed Spielburg movie could ever provide.
So no worries, the many years ya'll worked on me really did pay off. And next time if any of ya'll ever feel like you're losing hope with a nonbeliever, just remember that I am one of many success stories you can tell your friends about. You can say, "God and I worked hard on her and now look where she is!" Each and everyone one of you had a DIRECT effect on my walk towards God.
So now that I have the brand new toy, when can ya'll come out to play? =)
Thank you my wonderful, caring friends and God Bless!
Love you!
lils
3/04/03--Worldwide prayer; Dream interpretation
Who remembered to join in a world wide prayer yesterday at 3:33pm for 3 minutes, it being March 3, 2003--03/03/03--representing the Trinity? I forgot. God, please don't strike me down dead. I did manage to make it to the gym to exercise, so that's good right? Taking care of my body which is the temple of the Lord, and I did watch less news pertaining to the war and more Everybody Loves Raymond.
With the prompting and blessed emails from Helen Chang (fellow Ryzer), we've decided that a Christian network should be set up on Ryze...but alas, we are not Gold members, so if any Gold Ryzers are interested in starting one in their name, please email me and I can manage the account for you as much as I can from my non-Gold member status (sure we could pay but the monthly membership,and me being asian and cheap does NOT mean anything! i can hear you thinking that.....). This network would make a good forum for accountability amongst fellow brothers and sisters and great for Q&A for Christians and non-Christians alike.
So speaking of religion, which makes me think of the end, which makes me think of my own demise and death, which makes me wonder about Heaven and the afterlife........hold on, someone just walked by with a box of krispy kreme donuts, i gotta go tackle her down!....brb!!!
MMMMMMmmmmmMMMMMMmmmmMmMMMMM, orgasmically delicious.... back to my.....oh wait! leftovers?!! brb!
ok, i'm back now, and my stomach is very happy with me. i deprived it of goodies all morning, but the 3 donuts were well worth the wait. so i had a dream last night, this dammmmmmmmned reoccurring dream...and i have it at least once a week. first of all, to all those astrology experts out there (peter, kick, etc.) , can ya'll interpret dreams? i 'd really like some of mine to be interpreted by ya'll, as they are super disturbing.
back to the reoccurring nightmare...i'm driving along (doesn't driving mean sex?) usually alone (could that be mastur...nevermind.) and sometimes with a woman or a man (maybe i'm bi?) and we'll be driving in the dark REALLLLLLLY fast, and the road ALWAYS splits up into two branches where one leads me continually down the road or straight off the bridge (where the road of course ends). i ALWAYS take the road where it ends, fly off the bridge and below me is ALWAYS a dark lake full of water (which means sex also) and muck and when i'm in mid air, i'm always thinking the same thing "i must accelerate the car and try to land on that small piece of land FAR FAR away...i know i can make it, just slam on the gas...oh yes, need to roll down the windows so when the car sinks i can swim out (i've watched enough movies to know that much-i.e.what lies beneath)....shoot, pushing the gas does NOTHING when you're in the air!!! ohhhh God i'm gonna die... shit, i hope i do! if i live, my MOM will kill me if i screw up this car again, i dont want to live, screw the windows, they're staying shut!" Then the next thing i know, i'm on that plot of land that my car never made it to, my car is either bubbling in the water or next to me on land with just a few dents but pretty intact and a dark stranger is always there to help me out. i never actually see myself crash into the water, i never actually feel like i'm drowning in the water, but somehow my car and i miraculously appear on land again. and then my last thought before i wake up is "shit, my mom's gonna kill me, i wonder if i can take it into the auto body shop and get the car repair man to fix it overnight."
so i ask you, what does all this mean? and why do i have it every freakin' week?
2/28/03--Another Day, Another Dollar; Sexy people
i got to work at 7:30am today...an hour earlier than i would normally come strolling in.....why you ask? b/c my BOSS wanted breakfast tacos from a particular popular restaurant downstairs that sells them for dirt cheap and the line is ALWAYS long as hell. so i have to get there super early to beat the crowd b/c i have to order a truckload of them, well not a truckload per se, but 15, but that's still alot to lug upstairs, those things are like bricks! i dont recall this being in my job description..."wake up at an ungodly hour to serve piping hot delicious breakfast tacos, which i am not entitled to even one, to a room full of unappreciative foolios". well, turns out, everyone else had the same idea this morning, so i wasn't the first in line as i had hoped....so i wait.........and wait......and wait some more. i finally get to the front and the man who i give my order to is new and freaks out when he finds out how many i need so he refers me to another lady. she's scared of the astronomical number and sends me to the next lady. if they had let me, i would have just hopped over the counter and made them myself for god's sakes. finally, one lady was willing to take on the challenge, unfortunately she was also VERY very sllllllloooooowwww........like the tortoise in the tortoise and the hare story. i REALLY wanted to help her make them, but they were all anal about the hygiene thing and i'd have to wear gloves and a hairnet, and hairnets are not becoming on me, so i stopped badgering them.
finally get my tacos, rush it upstairs JUST in time for the meeting and NOOO appreciation, no "thanks lily"...TWO words that not one person in a roomful of people could manage to utter to save their life (needless to say, i felt very unappreciated....as i often do in this job. kel, you sure you want this job???) and i even went and heated those bricks up so the cheese would be melted and taste better, and i even arranged them all pretty in a pyramid with the salsa containers arranged in a similar manner and the orange juice beautifully lined around the pyramid accentuating my tantalizing taco/salsa formation AND napkins folded for easy dispensing......sigh.....owell, i got the leftovers. look who's laughing now?!!!!! HA HA. me. i'm laughing. too bad i didnt want them, i actually don't like breakfast tacos.....so i guess i'm not really the one laughing huh? =\ .....so now i'm listening to norah jones and can i just say how damn talented she is?! i love her songs, they always make me soooo happy. no matter what, her songs and country songs (esp. jo dee messina's fast songs) always cheer me up! i want to be an asian country singer. you think it'll sell????? contact me if you think you can be my agent. i can talk with a hick twang and chew a strip of buckwheat while roping cattle....
btw, who watched "are you hot? search for america's sexiest man and woman" last night?
god i'm so ashamed to say i was completely entranced by the show....i dont think vanessa the anorexic should have been selected, i liked the angelic faced girl. and can you believe those people were CRYING cuz they didn't win? for goodness gracious, how stupid could they be?! it's not like the judges didn't choose them b/c they were not witty, intelligent or interesting people (which based on their reaction, i'm sure they're not) but it was just that they weren't "sexy" enough. how gay. i'd be hurt more if someone said i was not funny and stupid than if they said i was ugly. well, the show is still on and it will continue to do well b/c of people like me who continue to tune in even though we know we shouldn't support such a horrible show that only promotes superficiality/shallowness on a whole new level, i'm very ashamed of myself, really i am! but i'll still watch it next week and i know you will too. oh yea and the guys that were selected were SOOOOOOOOO hot, i had to wipe my tv set after the show, drool all up in the place. how did God make them so FINE?! now if God could just drop one at my doorstep.....
OH BOY! OH BOY! ALMOST TO 3000, WHO WILL BE THE LUCKY 3000TH HITTER????? PLEASE SIGN MY BOOK WHEN YOU HIT THE 3000 MARK PLEASE!!! THANKS!!! =)
grrrrrrrrrrrr, so not cool. i refreshed my page and it jumped from 2999 to 3001. and NO signages on my g-book... WHY? why no signages!!! look at me! i'm so frustrated i can't even speak! signages?!! pah. that's not even a word........*sniff sniff*.......*sob* *snort*.......
no signages...........siiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
2/27/03 Returned from my experiment with 'shrooms
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADEL!!! if anyone's interested, adel is a ripe old age of 21. =)
last night, i told my mommy over dinner that i'd really like to go to tibet or laos or some asian country and live in the mountains with the monks.
she laughed at me. so i got mad.
i mean, how UNSUPPORTIVE is that?!!! then she cried out, "why can't you be normal like all my other friends' kids??? why can't you get a normal job like them and work and support yourself or go to school and get a degree and come out and find a job, instead of wandering around in circles and doing nothing with your life."
so i smiled ever so sweetly at her and said the reason why i'm so WEIRD is b/c of her. she's the one who was so paranoid when my sister and i were younger that she made us afraid to do anything....so we just cower at home in fear of trying new things and being daring...and now that we dare to take a risk, she criticizes us and tries to "talk us down from the ledge." parents will always think you're 5- years old...
when i'm a parent, i'm going to be very supportive of my kids and let them pursue anything they want, no matter how insane it may sound to me at first. if they want to be a professional toothpaste tester, then so be it, so long as they're happy and they give me free samples.
ps. i was kidding about the shrooms...i've never done drugs before, though i considered X before. but drug dealers never offer me any drugs.... for once, i'd like someone to actually come and offer me some, do i not look like a person who'd do drugs?!! i'm offended.....
2/26/03 (post-resignation letter delivery)--Still alive...
my supervisors took it rather well. one of them applauded me on being so brave and taking a chance while i'm still young and not tied down with a family, kids, mortgages, etc. they think i'm doing peace corps....even though i'm probably not. but it was the first thing that popped in my head when they asked me what my next step will be. owell, they won't know i told a fib. even though i did write in my letter for them to "keep in touch" but i doubt they will. at least i avoided my performance review (whew! i'm so bad at taking criticism)....if anyone feels like resigning, i have a template you can use and maybe then you and i can go travel the world together.......yes, find ourselves, get in tune with nature, and nourish our souls....
2/26/03--Judgment Day
I feel like the way i felt two years ago 5 seconds before i thought i was going to die. i caused a 5 car plus an 18 wheeler collision on one of houston's largest highways. it was shut down for a couple of hours. but i remember thinking to myself, as i ricocheted off the third car and saw the 18 wheeler through the passenger side window, "God, please make this fast and quick and don't let my body parts be strewn all over the highway."
My car didn't make it through the accident, 2 completely totaled cars, along with major damages to the other cars and the 18 wheeler's front end........but i walked away from the accident completely unscathed and unbruised, just a little shooken. i still remember even turning off the radio as i stepped out of my totaled vehicle....(that's when you know your parents' constant nagging does sink in, we ALWAYS have to turn off the A/C and radio before we turn the car off.)
....now i have to face my supervisors and give them my resignation letter. i'm so scared what they'll say to me...."god, please let this be fast and quick..."
after surviving the accident unharmed, i remember thinking, "Someone up there let me live through this enormous accident b/c i was meant to do something here on earth." Then i promised myself that i'd volunteer as much as i could and love everyone i see. So, it was very hard sticking with that promise all the time and i failed on and off throughout these years...but maybe it's time for me to re-evaluate that promise i made.
i'm getting information overload to the soul...and i need a spiritual cleansing. any ideas?
i've considered peace corps, going to the mountains like peter, driving across the country (courtesy of matt)....please, any viable suggestions would be REALLY appreciated! i know i have to quit this job....my gut says so. but what am i supposed to do next?
2/25/03--A response to my "superficial men" entry
So i've received quite alot of hate mail concerning that entry on men, and no surprise, it was all from men. but there were a few people with some nice observations, so i will post one of those men's musings on my site:
"I’m not sure what the book “What Men Want?was about, but just by the title should tell you a lot. It should read “What Boys Want?..it should be titled, ”What Men Need?.. when it all boils down to it, there are just 3 things men really need in a relationship... good food; a place they can call their own (house); and satisfying sex. At first I felt I needed to challenge her on it, but ultimately it was reduced down to that... providing you are with someone you're compatible with. Men are fairly simple and predictable “animals?.. but there is a fine art of training your pet, that, as I’m finding out today, women have lost. (so true so true, women are equally as responsible for the failed marriages and skyrocketing divorce rates spreading across the country) "...Okay, you have a lot on that page which is intriguing (you got that right bubba! =) ) "... and I can’t argue the fact that good ‘men?are hard to find...Good luck and take care, Ray =)"
Thank you for your insight Ray, we'll chat later i'm sure! =)
2/24/03--Country Music Rules
Just for the record, I'm not a man hater. i love men. i will always love men.
On the bus ride to work today, i realized yet again, what a great genre country music is. if anyone gets the chance, please check out JMM's (john michael montgomery) song "the little girl".....i love country songs with a twist... "chain of love" by Clay walker is also another one of those. THE RODEO'S IN TOWN!!! ROUND UP YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILIES AND GIT ALONG' LIL' DOOGGIES! SWING YOUR PARTN'ER ROUND AND ROUND! ahhhhhh, i'll miss texas. h-town forever, texas cowgirl at heart...
Success is not measured by what you accomplish,
but by the opposition you have encountered,
and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.
- Orison Swett Marden
Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
(can't you almost hear the Top Gun theme playing in the background)
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty;to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better,whether by a healthy child,a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have YOU succeeded today?
2/21/03--The End of the World & Superficial Men
Yesterday, I decided to skip work…yet again. (I feel like a kid who does something bad, doesn’t get caught and continues to defy the parents until she’s found out. I admit, I will keep on skipping work if I can get away with it.) But instead of doing what I did last time (refer to previous entries), I felt like doing something more productive than sleeping, people watching and flashing construction workers. I strolled into Borders bookstore to “edumacate?myself. I intended to read something from the bestseller’s section, but was somehow drawn to the religious area...so I started reading about the end of the world and different authors?interpretations of the Revelations. I’ve come to the conclusion that what we do here on earth now is so trivial and we’re merely “passing through? on our way to our eternal home. I also decided that the end of the world is not going to come anytime soon (cuz God spoke to me directly in the self-help section, we’re tight like that), and also b/c the AntiChrist is supposed to be this huge leader that is going to unite everyone and is supposed to appear like God and the Trinity to the humans--(Antichrist, snake, beast=God, Jesus, Holy Spirit)...and there is sooo much more involved, but it would take forever and a day for me to explain it all...very fascinating though, humans are always so preoccupied with our own demise aren’t we? Anyways, I can’t imagine a single person right now in our time or even in our lifetime that will be able to achieve this feat (besides maybe the Pope...I hope it’s not him!)...so now I’ve gone back to worrying about my future, since the world won’t be ending in a few years like I had hoped. I was seriously hoping that He would take us all up to His Kingdom soon, that way I wouldn’t have to get a real job, establish a career, basically, take responsibility and grow up. Alas, I must! So now more than ever, I am driven to do something with my life, but something that will help others and benefit the world. What we do now will determine where we will be in our next life, so really, what we do here on earth isn’t altogether trivial, it will actually determine where we will land in Heaven, and who doesn’t want to sit on the right hand of God? I’m not ambitious, so I don’t ask to sit right up on the top, I just ask for the closer seats, not by the entrance or bathrooms, but close enough that I can bask in His glow and get a nice golden tan. After reading these books, I was in the mood to spread love and joy to everyone in the bookstore! But that feeling was not about to last long...
As luck would have it, I wandered into the self-help section. I was looking for some Chicken Soup for the Soul books (highly recommend those), since I’ve decided to start collecting them, even the ones that don’t pertain to me whatsoever (Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul, Chicken Soup for the Golfer’s Soul, and the most intriguing? Chicken Soup for the Prisoner’s Soul <-- I really want that one!). I digress...
I chanced upon “What Men Want?(this book along with some other dating books were all read by Bridget Jones—a character whom I admire b/c she’s so real and relateable to the average female and validates us and all our horrible feelings of insecurity and ridiculous feelings of psychoticness) ...this book was written by three men who claim to hold the key to the male specimen’s psychosis, and purports that any woman who is to read this book will be able to satisfy her man. Of course, I of all people don't need this silly book, since everyone knows the way to a man's heart is through his stomach....or so i thought. Out of curiosity, I flipped open this rather thin book (I think if anyone were to ever write a “What Women Want?book, it would be 20 times thicker), and everything I read just absolutely disgusted me! Especially the last chapter, "5 ugly truths...", one of which was that men would cheat on their wives/gfs if they knew they could get away with it (and the reason why some don’t is purely out of fear). It also said another ugly truth is that men decide on a mate based largely if not entirely on how a woman looks. I thought, “no, men couldn’t be THIS despicably superficial, can they??So I think back to all the things my male friends have said before, to what I’ve read on people’s g-books on ryze, to all my late night conversations with male friends, and I’ve come to the conclusion that they are INDEED superficial lugnuts. And I know this isn’t anything NEW to some of ya’ll, but I feel like yesterday was when it really HIT me, all men only try to satisfy their animalistic, raw needs. And it doesn’t matter how intelligent, educated, cultured a man appears to be, he is not immune to those needs, he still has the same animal inside of him as that beast on Joe Millionaire.
How many times have you seen a beautiful/decent looking woman with a god awful looking man? I’d say, often. How many times have you seen a nice looking man with a god awful looking female? NEVER. In all my 24 years, I have NEVER seen a good-looking man w/ a woman who was much less attractive than him. Which goes to show, most women look at personality, charisma, intelligence more than outward appearance. Men on the other hand, ONLY look at outward appearance. THAT makes me very sad and very disappointed in the whole sex, and now I just don’t want to be associated with a single one, sure I can be friends with them, but I don’t know if I could ever bring myself to like or trust any of them. That book has seriously made me want to be a nun or a lesbian. Both options of which I never really had to or wanted to consider. Can someone please recommend me a book that would redeem men in my eyes, b/c if I don’t read one soon, I will seriously never date or trust another male ever again.
As I often tell my friends, I wish people were born blind. The world would be a much better place for it...
THE FIRST PERSON TO FIGURE OUT HOW THIS CRYSTAL BALL WORKS WILL RECEIVE A PRIZE!!!
Physic Ball
CONGRATULATIONS TO JASON LEE!!!
Mr. Lee solved the crystal ball trick in less than 5 minutes...I do believe that is a record! You will receive your prize by mail in 4-6 weeks. I will need your home address and a check made out payable to: Lily Chai Scam Artists Inc. for the amount of $100...feel free to send more if you'd prefer. Bounced checks will have a penalty charge of $150.
Upon receipt of your check, Lily Chai Scam Artists Inc. will then shop in distinctive Texas stores to purchase unique items that can only be found in the Lone Star State. This is because we know everyone secretly harbors feelings of becoming a full-blooded cowboy/cowgirl Texan one day. Any residual money will be pocketed by yours truly. Any questions and concerns can be directed to Lily's guestbook or PMs. (See Kevin and George, this is how I garner my hits. I make up silly contests with no real prizes, in hopes that people will come to my page to speculate how truly ridiculous this Lily girl is.)
I usually don't encourage disrespectfulness towards my culture in any way....but i thought it was about time for Shaq to learn some chinese....(btw, the Lakers didn't really win, i mean, unless you measure wins/losses by that silly system of accruing basket points....i think it should be judged on sportsmanship and darn it all, YAO and FRANCIS are the two sweetest people in the NBA....)
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes
(You MUST read them out loud)
1) That's not right ......................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?..........Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP............................Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ..................................Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse .................................Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ....................Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table ................Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift ................Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here ......................Wai So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ...............Wai Yu Mun Ching?
11) This is a tow away zone .....................No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ......Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13) Staying out of sight ........................Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile ................Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive .................Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great .......................................Fa Kin Su Pah
Gotta love the last one!!! Reminds me of Big Gay Al, "Super, Thanks for Asking!"
I received this beautiful prayer today...
I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! , but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
May God Bless You,
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world"
2/16/03--Tang Yuans and Iris's Birthday!
yesterday was Yuan(2) Xiao(1) Jie(2). a festival that the chinese use to mark the end of the Chinese New Year celebrations. (in the past, before the 8-5 mon-fri work day was created, people would celebrate for a full month, 15 days before the first of the year, and 15 days after.) on this special day, people go to temples to gaze upon beautiful, intricate lanterns that come in all shapes and sizes (and now they have mechanical lanterns that move), whilst devouring tang(1) yuans(2)...DELICIOUS little devils they are! round, white shaped balls (the texture similar to the outside of mochi icecream balls) w/ black sesame or peanut paste filling inside... perfect, white round scrumptious balls of heaven swimming in a hot sugary soup...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
the dessert represents the sweet memories made during the month-long celebration and the round, ball shape reminds people to remain unified and whole, as everyone parts their ways to return to school or work......i hope everyone had a chance to enjoy some tang yuan last night, if not, it's not too late to run to your nearest asian market and buy a package of both flavors! just throw some in boiling water and cook it all the way through, serve it with a bit of the soup from the pot and brown cystalline sugar to taste. if you don't have any near your place, well then, i feel for you. you haven't really LIVED until you've had these orgasmically good balls. i do believe i will go make some right now.......
mmm, yummy to my tummy,.....oh hot hot hot! shoooot, i burned my tongue. i need to practice more patience......but devishly good nonetheless!
TODAY is my sister, iris's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIE!!! i lobber you!! =) She is a whoppin' 28 years old now and i just got off the phone with her. supposedly it's snowing like a mother in DC and her bf just made her a cake from scratch, how sweet, that better not be his only present to her!!!
jason, if you see her, wish her a happy b-day and give her a big smack on her booty for me...no, make that a smack and a grab, but none of that korean gun-fingering thing up the butt crack.....why do koreans love to violate people like that?!
2/15/03--Family Line and FINALLY, proof that i'm a princess...
I'm in a very pensive mood today. I had a very long conversation with my mom about life, my future, and our family. How many people (esp. Asians) out there really know their roots? It's really hard for Asians in particular to trace their roots b/c not only did we multiply like rabbits (resulting in cousins, uncles, and aunts galore...very hard to keep up with every family member), but alot of our documents and family heirlooms were lost in the different revolutions and events that transpired throughout the 1000's years of history...
hehe, so i found out last night that i'm a descendent of the Qing dynasty!! the last one before the Communists took over China. Apparently, my grandmother (my dad's mom) was part of the zheng(4) huang(2) ("Solid Yellow") clan, as opposed to the clans with the flag colors that had a white trim. If your family belonged to the solid color flag, you were pretty darn close to the royal family (i.e. brother/sister of the king), and the white trim on the colored flag meant your blood was slightly diluted with non royal blood such as second cousins and such. If all this is indeed true, then this explains my fascination/obsession with being a princess and why i'm not that quick in the head, since as we all know in-breeding does not produce intelligent offspring...though my mom did say that the yellow flag clan did not have to inbreed because they were not THE immediate royal family....well, maybe i'm just stupid on my own accord and i shouldn't blame it on my bloodline. Anyways, i'm just ecstatic to have discovered this small piece of info about my family history.
i definitely advise everyone to go have a talk with your parents about your lineage. i think kids these days don't talk to their parents enough. it really frustrates me that i was so selfish to not have asked my parents earlier about our family tree and the things my mother wished and thought about in her younger years. we definitely live in a very self-consumed world where everything is about ME ME ME. if there was one person i'd like to spend the day with, it would be my mother when she was in her early 20's. i wonder if we would have been good friends...i wonder what her dreams and aspirations were and if she ever achieved any of them...
oh! my mom just got back from teaching at chinese school, i think i'll go have another heart-to-heart.=) gotta love that woman!
2/14/03--BLOODY HOLIDAY TODAY (no not my period)
i'm speaking of that dreaded day with chubby freaky-deaky looking midgets flying around shooting you with arrows and making you THINK you want to be tied down to another partner. this holiday was OBVIOUSLY a conspiracy created by florists (no offense ag), candy makers and couples who are dying to get out of their own relationships. The first two groups just wanted an increase in sales for their first quarter reports, and the latter group believes in the motto: "Misery loves company."
DON'T BRING US SINGLETONS DOWN WITH YOU!
i feel fat.....of course my depressing chocolate candy and cookie binge which occurred late last night didn't help.... i remembered the next day would be valentine's day and i spun into a self-pity fest surrounding myself with all the v-day paraphenalia (chocolate galore) i received this week from my GAL FRIENDS...nope, no men.
i decided to try to make myself feel better this morning by dressing nice and looking like i actually had a date or someone to impress, so i rummaged through my skirts only to find that NONE of them fit. i mean NONE. WHY?!!!! why must fat only attach itself to the places you DON'T want it to go? does it have a mind of its own, is it b/c one thinks and focuses so hard on where one does NOT want it to go and by some fluke it keeps going THERE?! now i have to suck in ALL day.
seriously..........i directly blame the infinite peanut M&Ms, tiramisus, strawberry napoleons, chicken fried steak, pizza and tomato basil with sour dough bread i consumed in a frenzy last night out of hatred for this holiday, but i indirectly blame all males. why you ask? b/c YOU males make us women feel like we have to meet some supermodel qualities (albeit, SOME of us on ryze are at that level....ag, adel, debbie, lori, etc.) BUT the REST of us aren't, fine, i'll speak for myself, b/c i'm sure i missed some other beautiful women in that above listing. don't you think i'd love to look as good as christy turlington (who btw is my favorite model), jennifer garner, charlize theron, alyssa milano (yes, i said alyssa, i was a who's the boss fan since the show started and dont make fun of me)......but we can't all look like that. people should seriously appreciate my existence b/c w/o me and people like me, there would be no level of mediocrity to compare others to. i make people feel better about themselves.....APPRECIATE ME!!!
<2 hours later after crying in the bathroom stall and clogging up the toilet with rolls of snot rags....>
haha, i'm delirious from no sleep. i LOVE having a therapeutic self-pity session. i think it's healthy for the soul. i feel better now. and just for the record, i didn't actually cry in the stall (i haven't reached that level of patheticness), i cried (on the inside) at my desk....while sucking in of course. =)
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
2/13/03--Guilty Dream
last night i had a dream...now i can't say whether it was a good dream or a nightmare.......
Due to the inappropriate content, graphic nature and the wise advice of my best friend, my dream/nightmare cannot be published on rzye...terribly sorry. this journal entry will forever be deleted, don't worry there will be better ones to come!
Here's a question for everyone: If you didn't have to worry about money, what would your dream job be?
2/11/03--My brush with a celebrity...NOT! & Adventures from skipping work!
bleeehhh.......ate toooo much for a midnight snack, it was more of a midnight FEAST.....i hope someone does research proving that feasting at midnight trims one's body, that would be a dream come true! =) my beloved Rockets lost, there should be some rule against counting three pointers that make it in the basket in less than one second......darn the jazz, may they all be constipated tomorrow. i met yao ming's translator today and harassed him lily-style. i marched right up to his cocky lil' arse and accused him of stealing my job (yes, i applied for the translation job many months ago, and was the only girl selected to be in the final four applicants. one would think that would be an honor, but my being female and being susceptible to pms and bleeding orifices, ruled me out as being eligible for the job.......all you lawyers out there, isn't that some sort of employment discrimination? it HAS to be!) anyways, he found my bluntness a bit amusing, which pissed me off even more. first he steals my job, then he patronizes me!!! THE NERVE! then i ended our conversation rather abruptly as the game was getting more intense on the court next to us...so now he gets to go home and shag the prom queen (that's not a direct quote from The Rock, but close enough)....i want to shag the prom queen......and no, i'm not a lesbian, though i've had dreams where i was kissing a girl, and then she would morph into a man......does that mean i'm bi? ............................double ugh, don't want to go to work tomorrow, but already called in sick monday, which brings me to a rather amusing story. monday i didnt feel like going to work. but since i live at home, my mom (who has not missed a day of school since pre-K) wouldn't let me skip, so when she went back to sleep, i ran out of the house in my PJ's and drove my car to a near by parking lot to continue sleeping...woke up around 11am to the sun glaring in my eyes through my sunroof, and decided the day was just absolutely gorgeous! so i blasted some norah jones and people-watched from my car (since starbucks wouldn't let me in in my pajamas), then i called home, happy to find that mother had gone to the gym..... snuck back in my house, only to set the alarm off and the cops almost came...then i took a nice long crap, and got ready to be presentable to the world (ie. only washed my face and brushed my teeth, since mother could come home any minute)...ran back to my car and parked a few streets down, put my face on and strategically got dressed in the car in front of a lot full of construction workers, thank god for tinted windows......decided i couldn't go shopping as originally planned,since that requires money, and i hate to window shop (what's the use in tantalizing myself with objects of desire which i will never be able to attain)......so i did what any sensible person would do, i went back to sleep. hehe, actually i got into work around 1 and played norah jones for my old and very unhip co-workers, and my boss told me to turn it down b/c he couldn't think. i had a nice retort for him, but i felt like keeping my job that day, i'll deliver my resignation with a nice stick for him to shove up his arse in a few weeks... stay tuned for more adventures!
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